Feeling Chemicals

Hate, love, happiness... we know how it "feels" because the feeling is tied to a chemical in the brain that, once activated, allows us to feel.

When someone says "I just want to be happy" what they actually mean is that they want the chemicals related to happiness to be within acceptable parameters within the brain. How these chemicals are activated may vary from person to person. Reading may make some people happy, for example, and make someone else miserable.

It's possible to activate these feelings through artificial means.

“...Part of the process of discovering your Life Purpose has to do with being in touch with your feelings. Your feelings are clue to what your life purpose is all about. By noticing how you feel about things, you’ll discover what you value and what you don’t. Things that don’t trigger much emotion probably aren’t tied to your purpose or the application of it - at least for now....”

-Chuck Goetschel

Our entire being is dependent on chemical reactions within the brain. It's through them that we design our life. We make decisions based on how we feel which means that a chemical imbalance, artificial or otherwise, could be the difference between a life of success or failure. We must be aware of these nuances with biological life and not make important decisions when our emotions are high. A calm, collected, demeanor is a much better time to make decisions than under the influence of an emotion running wild.

"Don't Live on Autopilot"

"Don't live on Autopilot" is a phrase I heard recently that made me realized that I was living on auto pilot ever since this pandemic began. While simplify some aspect of our lives is necessary, as to reduce the chances of spreading this virus, it doesn't mean that it should be to the point where we basically just eat/work/sleep which, admittedly, is all I've been doing for the past 2 year.

What this means, in reality, is that I haven't gotten out of my comfort zone much and this is something that definitely needs to changes as the only time we grow is when we're outside of our comfort zone.

Shake things up!

So what can be done about this?

• Learn a new skill - Now could a perfect opportunity to sharpen existing skill or learn a new one entirely.
• Change job/career - Covid changed the work landscape which, to some, may not of been for the better. Maybe it's time to start looking for a new job or change career entirely?
• Re-connect with friends and family - Join a new forum, start a chat with an old acquaintance on social media, expand your network of contacts.
• Embellish your living space - Is it time to renovate your home? Do you need new furniture?
• Visit your area - Pretend you're on a holiday in your area and go places you've never gone before (while respecting the restrictions).
• Prepare a gift for someone - Is there a holiday coming up? Is there a birthday? It's never too soon to start preparing gifts.
• Try a new restaurant - You may not be able to sit in a new restaurant but many still offer takeout options.
• Exercise/eat better - Some of us used to workout quite regularly prior to the pandemic. Now may be the time to jump back into it or look into it for the first time.

Those are but a few ideas that could get someone's life out of an autopilot period. Note that I didn't mention things like "watch a new series" as I think we can all agree that entertainment kind of adds to this problem rather than fix it. 

Time goes By Fast When You're Having Fun

It's been said that "time goes by fast when you're having fun" but I would argue that time goes by fast even if you're not having fun.

My father told me recently that he believes the main reason why we feel that time goes fast is because we don't remember much of it. When we think back, there are some obscure memories that pops up but not necessarily anything from last week, or last month, or last year. 

This "void" we feel when we look back on our life is, according to my dad, the reason why we feel like life went by fast. We know we were young once, then there's a laps of time that we only remember bits and pieces of, and there's now. 

It almost feels like something is missing.

We don't remember trivial things because it's not necessary for our continuous survival. Our brain set aside some memories, that are less important, in favor of more important ones. Remembering what you ate for diner, 2 weeks ago, isn't as important as remembering how to drive. (There's an interesting article on this on Lesley University page here)

Yes, life is short and that's especially evident when we look back trying to remember all that we've accomplished. We need to forgive ourselves for not remembering every details and remember that the fact that we're alive today means that what ever we did was sufficient for our survival up to this point.

Be Calm

One of the greatest skill you can master is the ability to remain calm in all situations.
When I was younger, I used to think that this is something that would come naturally as we age but experience has thought me otherwise. If you look around you, you will see people in their last phase of life that still act rashly in situations that do not warrant it.

Why is it important to "Be Calm"?
Logically speaking, you make better decisions when your mind is calm then when it isn't. When you act rashly, things can escalate quickly to the point where you're acting completely out of character. After the fact, once your mind is calm again, you realize the error of your ways; only too late. You then need to figure out how to live with the mess you've created (but could of been avoided).

How can I be more "calm"?
In my case being calm is a state of mind that I have to work similar to a muscle. There are 3 things that I need in order to have a calmer mind. Those are:

• Read/Meditate - While I do not practice meditation in the true sense of the word - reading is a form of meditation and I read constantly. I prefer non-fiction and my favorite subjects currently are Self-Improvement, Philosophy & History.
• Diet - This may be an odd thing to add to some but the diet does play a part in how you feel. You are what you eat and if you eat junk - you will feel it. What you eat has an impact on how you feel and therefor must be considered here.
• Fitness - Working out is a good way to release stress. If you are stressed, you are more likely to act rashly in any given situation. If you remove the stress then it goes without saying that your mind will be calmer.

This isn't a quick fix solution or one that you only do a couple of times with benefits that you can enjoy forever. It requires constant effort.
Also this is definitely not full proof. There are still times where someone will "push my buttons" just right which may result in me doing or saying something that I later regret.
In the words of Abraham Lincoln, "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt."

If you feel your mind isn't in the right place - hold your tongue. You can't take back the words once they're out of your mouth.

Temptation

Temptation comes in many different forms and It promises nothing more than pleasure. Pleasure doesn’t bring happiness; only an increasing desire for more pleasures.
It’s a vicious cycle that, once in, is hard to get rid of. We instinctively know when we’re being tempted by something. Identifying those things isn’t a problem, it’s just a matter of not succumbing to it.

In a relationship, pleasures can be a disease slowly eating away the connection you both share. It's important for us to identify our temptation sources and stay away from them.

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Revision Wednesday
Blog post originally created on September 14, 2011 and can be found here.

Stuff

"We buy things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't like." -Dave Ramsey

Stuff is, to some, a source of happiness which requires constant purchases to maintain the feeling. Stuff does little but add complexities in our lives. The less we have, the less we have to worry about.

Emotional Memories

As I said before, emotions are what allows people to understand each other and now I understand it to also be a mechanism to help create memories.

We tend to remember experiences, with many emotions involved, more vividly than those that had not as strong of an emotional impact on us.
We remember our pains, our loves... but we likely don't remember our drive to work from 2 weeks ago - as it was uneventful in terms of feelings.

Those who live a life of routine don't have as many vivid memories of their lives as those who goes to great length to get out of their comfort zone since the system isn't "shocked" with feelings to start the process of remembering. When the body is on auto-pilot, it doesn't need to remember things as much.

Don't Give Your Anger

My patience has been tested quite a bit as of let due to car troubles and I'm glad I didn't give my anger away to someone else. Your anger is your responsibility, to give it away to someone else only increases tension and won't get you anywhere.

There are other ways to let your anger out such as the creative end or through fitness. Make the world a better place by killing the anger inside of you.

The "Healthy" Employee

As you probably know, there are a lot of corporate employee coffee lovers out there. Most of them go to the doctor to get checked and some are told that they’re blood pressure is too high. Instead of doing a lifestyle change, like reducing coffee consumption for example, they get on pills.

It doesn't make sense to me – why would someone raise their blood pressure, with something such as coffee, to then try to reduce it with a pill? Couldn't you just stop drinking coffee to see if it helps? High blood pressure is a big deal after all.

We rely on pills too much - they should be used only when there are incurable problems, not as an excuse to continue our poor lifestyle choices.

Living Risk Free

A life lived without any mistakes, from attempting nothing, will still have an end. Why not take more calculated risk? Is there such a thing as making it safely until death? Is such a life worth living?

The belief was to go to school and get good grades, find work and you'll be set for life. This "security" mindset no longer works - security is the new risky. Nobody will take care of you but yourself - life requires us to take chances.

The best thing we can do is invest in our brain because while we can loose everything else, nobody can remove our thoughts.

Emotional Control, Energy and Exercise

Those who don't possess emotional control over their being are difficult to interact with. They either fail to express themselves properly or things said to them triggers unwanted emotional responses (like anger).

Energy has a lot to do with how much control we have over ourselves. Not only is working out help provide more energy to the body, it also help train the mind - giving us even more control over ourselves in the long run.

The Positive Power Of Love

There's no emotion greater, to get us moving, than the power of love. When we're in love, it makes us want to do things that we wouldn't of done otherwise.

The lost of love also inspires us to change. Hoping, perhaps, that our change would help win back the heart of our lost love. As we come to find out, however, our changes often goes unnoticed since it's difficult for someone to change the image they have of us.

For a time, love is what inspired me to workout more but time has changed the source of inspiration I rely on to workout. Has love made you do great things?

Public Ethic

Don't criticize someone in public – it only adds up to the embarrassment that will then turn into resentment in your regard. If someone needs to improve on something, meet somewhere private where you can share the problem with them.

On the other side of the coin, if you have something good to say about someone – say it in public. It will boost their confidence and they will appreciate you more for it.

Emotion of Lust

"Men use love to get sex, women use sex to get love.” -Unknown

The above quote doesn't create lasting relationships since it's based on the emotion of lust rather than love. Sex shouldn't be at the center of love but should occur as a result of it.

"Men need to be loved physically in order to love emotionally. Women need to be loved emotionally in order to love physically.”-Unknown

Emotions - Only One At A Time

"Positive and negative emotions cannot occupy the mind at the same time." -Napoleon Hill

No emotion last for ever, we're constantly bombarded by them. According to Napoleon Hill, there are 7 major positive emotions (desire, faith, love, sex, enthusiasm, romance, hope) and 7 major negative (fear, jealousy, hatred, revenge, greed, superstition, anger).

"Here the law of habit [it takes 21 days for a habit to form] will come to your aid. Form the habit of applying and using the positive emotions! Eventually, they will dominate your mind so completely that the negatives cannot enter it." -Napoleon Hill

Since we only can feel one at a time, it's important for us to learn how to identify them and to put forth effort to prolong the positive ones and reduce the duration of the negative ones.

Trial and error: The Relationship Edition

"The art of love ... is largely the art of persistence." -Albert Ellis

When you’ve been on the dating scene for quite some time you come to realize that there’s somewhat of a pattern to be found. A thing you might notice is that more often than not the problem is with you more than it is with your encounters.

If it’s true that the perfect person doesn’t exist - what now?

It’s easy to find someone with similar interest than ours. We might have feelings for them for a while and it eventually goes out. At this point, most relationships ends but it shouldn’t. That’s when the real work should start. The work is what it is - work. It’s not sit down and wait till the feelings comes back. It’s getting up and trying to figure out the reason why the feeling is gone.

I often find myself in stressful position at work that I sometime bring home. If this is done too often, we might come to the conclusion that the problem is home and not with the work. Be careful of where the feeling originally originated.

Relationship is mostly about accepting people for who they are. If we focus on finding things to respect about them, love will take care of itself.

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Revision Wednesday
Blog post originally created on November 8, 2010 and can be found here.

Love Talk

"There should be no disappointment over love, and there would be none if people understood the difference between the emotions of love and sex. The major difference is that love is spiritual, while sex is biological. no experience that touches the human heart with a spiritual force can possibly be harmful, except through ignorance or jealousy." -Napoleon Hill

Life isn't about finding the perfect person. It's about learning to love an imperfect person perfectly. The heart can be deceived and you should not let it lead your life but lead it throughout life.

Should someone leave when the love is gone? No – Love doesn't last when you don't work on it. Love, like happiness, is a feeling and feelings sometime come and goes but you'll never love someone you don't respect. Focus on finding things to respect about your partner and love will take care of itself.

Should someone leave an abusive relationship even if love is felt? Yes – Change is difficult. To wait for an abusive partner to change is like waiting for a cancer to heal ... it requires outside help before things change. If your partner doesn't work on improving himself daily, then he'll probably never change unless he seeks professional help (sometimes both are required).
Low self esteem, not love, is usually the reason why people stay in abusive relationships.

"Love is, without question, life's greatest experience. It brings us into communication with Infinite Intelligence. When mixed with the emotions of romance and sex, it may lead us far up the ladder of creative effort. The emotions of love, sex and romance are sides of the eternal triangle of achievement-building genius. Nature creates geniuses through no other force." -Napoleon Hill

Do What You Fear

When there's something fearful that I have to do, waiting for it is the most difficult thing as I tend to build up the fear for it.

"Do what you fear and fear disappears." -David Joseph Schwartz

The above quote is a rule I recently started applying and it helped with the process. Within 5 min of doing what I had build fear of doing, the fear is gone!

Pleasures - The Downfall of Civilizations

“In American today the popular word for good life is “happiness”…The American pursuit of happiness can often look like a compulsive, joyless effort to escape boredom… a people blessed with far more material advantages than any other society has ever enjoyed is not clearly the happiest on earth.” –Harold H. Titus & Marilyn S. Smith

The material advantage is a curse more than a blessing. Most of those things promises to make our lives easier by helping us or saving time. One would think that those improvements would allow us to focus on more important endeavors but it only “free us” to pursue more things.

Materials are a curse when the people buying it have no sense of values (as in what’s really important in life). When this occurs, the things he owns-owns him.
We buy things because it’s pleasurable and we too often confuse pleasure with happiness. Like Orrin Woodward said, “Pleasure doesn’t bring happiness, only an increased hunger for more pleasures.”

Happiness comes from following our values. Joy, which is the ultimate form of happiness, comes from being at peace with ourselves and is often attained through religion or spirituality (along with following values) – It’s a sense of belonging to something bigger than us.

Pleasure is like a quick burning fire, it often can’t be controlled even if we think we can. Pleasure is short lived and has been the caused of the downfalls of previous civilizations which will include our own if we don’t understand it and attempt to move away from it.

*This post can also be found on Men 2.0

Be Proactive with Your Emotions

"We've just grown apart"; said the man before leaving his wife.

PEOPLE CHANGE ALL THE TIME! OF COURSE YOU'VE GROWN APART IF YOU HAVEN'T SPENT THE TIME TO LEARN ABOUT YOUR PARTNER.

"We've grown apart" is a lame excuse from people who believe love is a feeling that just "is". Feelings are like fires, if you don't nurture them they eventually die out.

If you're sad, stop thinking about the things that makes you sad and the feeling will go away-only to return when you're thinking about it again.

We're not controlled by our emotions as much as we have control over them. Those who fail to understand this are doomed to go from relationship to relationship; changing partner whenever the feeling dictates.