Sexual problems in a relationship

Most "sexual problems" are not truly sexual problems, but result from discord in the relationship. Discord is built on judgmental, demeaning, hostile spirit. Resolution is built on an open, non-defensive, caring spirit.

-Page 146 of "The art of talking so that people will Listen" by Paul W. Swets foreword by Norman Vincent Peale Remember Names

What do we have to be ungrateful about?

We live in one of the wealthiest Country in the world, we have the best living conditions and we're free to pursue our dreams but we still manage to find things to be ungrateful for.

We have to start focusing more on the good things rather than the bad.

Freedom and Discipline

Some believe that Freedom is an absence of discipline when infact discipline is required for freedom in anything.

If you are undisciplined about nutrition/fitness you will eventually loose the freedom to eat what you want.
If you are undisciplined about your finances, you will loose the freedom to buy what you want.
If you are undisciplined about the laws in your country, you will loose your freedom.

Discipline is required for freedom.

Intimate - Asking what she likes

Boys, women are usually more complicated, in bed, than we are. What “turns us on” doesn’t necessary mean that it’s a “turn on” for her.

Some of you may have read books on the matter and I say it’s all good (I do too). However, everyone is different which means that we can’t just ignore asking what she likes.

Making sure she’s satisfied is your responsibility. Don’t be afraid to ask her so you can be the best that you can for her. (This can also be applied in other areas)

Perfection Within

There is within us an idea of a perfect person. Instinctively, we assume that the closer we get to that image, the happier we’re going to be. That image is formed from comparing ourselves with others.

When we compare we usually compare or weaknesses with someone elses’s strength. There’s no such thing as the perfect person but if we are to compare ourselves to someone why not compare ourselves to, in my case, Christ (or other religious figure who were deemed perfect)?

After talking to a few people about this, I realized that not everybody had an ideal self. Those with pride don’t thrive to get better, they think they’re already there. If there’s a belief to be always right or perfect, why would there be a desire to excel? Why would there be a need to get better if perfection is already at their footsteps?

School of Life

After school, education becomes a choice. We will always learn but one should thrive for it rather than waiting for it to happen. The more you know, the better the chances of fighting the fires before they happen.

Why do people stop educating themselves after school? Because in school, they were force to learned and not teached how to educate themselves. School made learning look like a chore when really it’s meant to be a way of life.

Shyness in communication

If shyness is a problem at times for you, or if you wrestle with other personality problems, the following strategies can help increase your effectiveness as a communicator.

Accept yourself as a person with something worthwhile to say. Stand tall, look directly in the other person's eyes, convey the message that you are not afraid.

Listen to yourself talk as if you were another person. Ask yourself if you sound ego-centered, shy, or defensive.

Avoid judging another person. Instead, ask for more information when you come to a point of contention. Remember that people are complex-we don't see the motives for their behaviour. Cultivate tolerance.

Pay attention to your behaviour and how it affects your listener. Habits such as scratching your head, not looking at your listener, staring, mocking, and so on can be enormously irritating.

Choose to control your emotions. Begin to think of yourself as one who can change even long-standing patterns. Fill your mind with reasons why a change would be worthwhile. Resist feeling sorry for yourself or concentrating on past failures. Visualize yourself in control of your emotions and the benefits you would gain from such control. Program yourself mentally and emotionally for constructive responses to aggravating situations.

Begin changing what you can change. Decide which patterns you have that are non-productive and begin to eliminate them. Dare to let another person know that you are in the process of changing.

Expect positive change to occur, even if it is gradual. Visualize yourself communicating successfully. Work toward that goal.

-Page 50 of "The art of talking so that people will Listen" by Paul W. Swets foreword by Norman Vincent Peale

Talent - Just an excuse for our lack of abilities?

I’ve got my hand on the “Talent is overrated” book by Geoff Colvin. The first few chapters challenged my thinking on “natural gift” (or talent) of an individual. I realized that when ever I would say that a person was “Talented” in a area I was actually saying “I can’t do this but he can because he was born with a gift”.

Geoff Colving used many example to demonstrate where “talent” comes from. It’s not something that someone is born with but rather something developed over a period of time through hard work.

Tiger Wood, which is considered a prodigy in golf, was an example used in his book. Earl Woods, Tiger’s father, was the influence behind Tiger’s love for the sport. Earl would practice golf for hours on end with tiger wood watching before he could even walk. At the age of 3, tiger got his first golf club and started practicing with Earl.
Is Tiger Wood talented? Of course! However, he wasn’t born with any natural gift. He worked hard to acquire the skill set he now posses.

With work/time, you too can become “talented” in the area of your choosing. Start now, time is very limited and, through aging, works against us.

"8 Attributes of Great Achievers" book by Cameron C. Taylor - Short Review

I've read a lot of Self Improvement books in the last 10 years and I've come to realize that while there are a lot of good books on the subject, there are also a lot of bad ones that are often written by unknown authors. I had never heard of Cameron C. Taylor before and didn't think much of his book but decided to read it anyway and I was pleasantly surprised by it.

Cameron C. Taylor did a good job at identifying the 8 Attributes of Great Achievers and backed his finding up with good examples from great men in history.
The book took me about an hour to complete and , while the information was powerful, I would of liked for each attribute to be expanded more.

I like to know about the author personal experiences when I read Self Improvement books and I didn't feel like Cameron talked enough about himself.

The Self Improvement field has a lot of books and, after reading them for a while, they all feel the same. "8 Attributes of Great Achievers" was a book that stood out for me and I recommended to you.

Financial Freedom

Many would argue that they’re not free because they have to get up and work in the morning. Canada is considered a free country because you have the ability to work to the point of financial freedom without the government taking all of your money. It's about the freedom of working on your own asset until your asset works for you.

It doesn't take more energy, to work on your own asset, than to work on someone else’s asset. It just take different knowledge.

You don’t need to be an expert in a field in order to have a business in it. All you have to do, is surround yourself with people who are experts at it.

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Originally posted - February 2011

Copied-right

There’s nothing wrong with taking an idea and making it better. Such business, logically, will be more successful than the one it copied from.

"There is scarcely anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse, and sell a little more cheaply. The person who buys on price alone is this man's lawful prey."
—John Ruskin, English critic, essayist, & reformer (1819 – 1900)

The opposite is also true. If your business offers the same services, or worse, than the neighbors. Why would a customer choose you over your competitor?

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Originally posted - January 2011

Mastery of Self

The mastery of self is to have control over your feelings. It doesn't occur with time alone, it takes practice. An old man who has never pushed himself has not mastered himself.

The Junto Club

The Junto club was established in 1727 by Benjamin Franklin in Philadelphia. Also known as the Leather Apron Club, its purpose was to debate questions of morals, politics and natural philosophy, and to exchange knowledge of business affairs.

"Franklin organized a group of friends to provide a structured form of mutual improvement. The group, initially composed of twelve members, called itself the Junto (the word is a mistaken use of the masculine singular Spanish adjective "joined", mistaken for the feminine singular noun "junta", "a meeting". Both derive from Latin "iunct-", past participle of "iungere", "to join"). The members of the Junto were drawn from diverse occupations and backgrounds, but they all shared a spirit of inquiry and a desire to improve themselves, their community, and to help others. Among the original members were printers, surveyors, a cabinetmaker, a clerk, and a bartender. Although most of the members were older than Franklin, he was clearly their leader. " -Wikipedia

Source:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Junto_(club)
http://www.npg.si.edu/exh/brush/ben.htm

Pursuit of Happiness

You don’t get happiness from pursuing happiness. What people pursue, when they say they pursue happiness, is pleasure. Pleasure is a short term feeling that’s followed by emptiness. Pleasure doesn't bring happiness, only an increased hunger for more pleasure.

Happiness comes from being proud of yourself.

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Originally posted - February 2011

The Dangers of emails/txt/Internet messenging

Never discuss sensitive subject Online or via txt. The information can be misinterpreted and it never goes away.

If you had a fight via text a while ago, your (ex)friend will be reminded of it every time he pick his phone up.

Confrontation that's done face to face can fade with time almost to the point of forgetting what it was about. Keep this in mind next time you send something Online.

Good always win?

Is the good side of things what is destined to win or is the victory what we come to accept as being good?

Hitler said "The victor will not be asked afterwards whether he told the the truth or not. In starting and waging a war it is not right that matters, but victory. [...] The stronger man is right."

History seems to point out that good always vanquish evil but it's not always so. The victor writes history while the looser fades in the shades. It's important to study both sides of a war to really know what happened. Good did not always win.

No to Procrastination

"Study while others are sleeping; work while others are loafing; prepare while others are playing; and dream while others are wishing." -William A. Ward

Don't do tomorrow what you can do today because tomorrow isn't promised to you. Today is all you have.

Life is an Interpretation of Ourselves

Life is a reflection of ourselves: a reflection of our attitude.

The angrier we are with life, the more of life we see that makes us angry. It's also true with happiness. Our attitude is the lens with which we see life.

Have life vicious cycle be on your side rather than have it work against you.

Respect & Love

Love, like happiness, is a feeling and feelings come and goes but you'll never love someone you don't respect. Focus on finding thins to respect about your partner and love will take care of itself.

There are many things you can do to live happily in a relationship but it comes down to two things.

1-You must do things that are respectable.
2-You must work on finding the respectable things your partner is doing.

Respect goes beyond the relationship. If you respect your partner in all the right ways but have a tendency to spit on the elderly, you're not being respectful.

Show your partner all the good that is in you.

Passion Vs Work

When you're passionate about something you're willing to do it for free. Work is something you have to do to pay the bills.

When you're getting paid for your passion, it's possible that the passion goes away because it becomes work (or something you have to do to pay the bills).

Wisdom

Wisdom is not having all the knowledge in the world. It’s an awareness of the gap between what you know and what you don’t know with the desire to learn it.

Knowledge doesn’t just happen. You can’t figure out everything on your own, there’s just too much to learn. It’s important to seek information in the subject of your interest.

Feelings - The connections

Feelings is what help people understand each other. It’s the bridge between hearts through which communication flows. When the hearts are in sync, there’s a great deal of understanding. A single word can have a chapter long meaning.

True friends shares this connection and all relationships should not only have it but vow to deepen it.

One must be strong enough to open their hearts in order to initiate the bridge building process. The connection is made once the other person respond to it by opening themselves. Trust and good listening skills are needed. Some people will use this to hurt you but stopping this is like saying you don’t want to connect with anyone. The joy of the connection is stronger than the pain of getting hurt.

If you don’t fully invest yourself in your relationships then what’s the point of having them? What are you waiting for? Connect with people!